Scary Adventure


Did you visit this blog based on the title?  Well, it was meant to be salt for your literary appetite, but I hope no one thinks I invited you on false pretenses.  If you feel that way after you read this slice, just know that I honestly didn’t mean to do it.  And, I’m sorry.

It all started when I was a little girl and visited my grandparents.  (They loved me dearly, and I loved them, but I don’t think they understood how their words scarred my little-girl soul.)  “Have you gained five pounds?” they questioned when we would come to visit whenever Dad was stationed close enough.

I just didn’t answer.  Had I gained five pounds?  I don’t really know.  I didn’t think about my weight before these questions started.  

Then, the shopping for school clothes added to my shame.  “Where are the chubby girl sizes?” Mom asked the clerk.  I wish I were dead, I thought as my face turned a bright red.  It is so humiliating!  (Just so you know, my mom is about my best friend on the planet, and she didn’t think this was any big deal.  After all, if I couldn’t fit in the regular sizes, what was I supposed to wear?)

The final blow came in third grade. I remember it as clearly as if I was standing on the playground right now. These words, “Hey, Fatty!” cut me to the quick, seared in my mind. It is true.  I’m FAT!  How I hated myself!  From that day on, I started thinking of myself as FAT.  

After that fateful day and for so many days that followed, the image in the mirror

was hated.  Because of that self-loathing, all through high school, college, and beyond, I have been on an eternal battle with the scale-The Battle of the Bulge.   I was on the Grapefruit Diet, the Eggshell Diet, the Orange Diet, and whatever other crazy diet was out there.  A little success, but, in the end, failures.

In an effort to be healthier, I started going to Weight Watchers off and on from the time I was a senior in high school until now.  I lost 120 pounds!  Unfortunately, it has been the same 30-40 pounds over and over and over!  I lost the weight, kept it off for 3-5 years, and then snap!  You know, that something inside me said, “I am sick of weighing and measuring my food and never having the good stuff!”  Inevitably, that  30 or 40 pounds would slowly creep back on.  My inner self would be very cruel to me and say, “I knew you would gain it all back.  You can’t do anything right.  You are so fat!  What a terrible person,”  and so on.  My inner self was so much meaner to me than I would ever be to another person.  

Well, all that background is to get us to the scary adventure.  I made up my mind:  No more Weight Watchers!  This being stated, I think Weight Watchers is a great lifestyle that has helped many people, me included, over the years.   But from now on, I want to eat like a thin person.  You know, moderation, just a bite of this or a taste of that.  Healthy eating, but balance eating.  Unfortunately, sugar is my downfall; it’s like I’m addicted to it or something.  I haven’t been able to figure out a way to break that addition.  So, I was in a quandary.  Do I “diet”?  No way.  I’m done with that vicious cycle.  On the other hand, I’m not that happy with tight-fitting clothes.  What should I do to fit in my clothes again?  Of course, I joined another gym.  Not the same one I’ve been a member of for five years, because I was sick of the elliptical machine.  The same thing day after day so I joined a gym with free yoga classes, free spinning, and free Zumba!  Yea!  Variety.  On the flip side, if you have ever had to try to get rid of those extra pesky pounds, you know that going to the gym is not enough!  Boo!  Should I just accept  myself a little heavier?  But I don’t like how I feel when my clothes don’t fit, and I feel fat.  What should I do?

Well, low and behold, a friend of mine, about the same age, who also has a challenge with weight, started on a new-fangled way of eating.  What!  She already lost 10 pounds!  Hmm. I know what you think, a FAD.  I’m not sure.  I investigated the website. I bought the book. I am read the book. It is basic foods, no sugar, no dairy, no artificial anything for 30 days.  Thirty days, that isn’t forever.  What do I have to lose?  Maybe I should give it a try.  This book promises miracles will happen, of course. Don’t they all?  It promises, after 30 days, that a reset will happen in your body, including a sugar reset.  Well, now you know what the scary adventure is, don’t you?  I decided to give it 30 days, just 30 days.  Today is the end of Day 1.  Surprisingly, I feel very satisfied and no cravings.  Well, Day One is not Day 30, so only time will tell.  I’m scared, but hopeful, as I start on this next adventure to better health and freedom(?).  

I’ll let you know if I make it or not.

About bjdonaldson

I'm an average woman who enjoys reflecting on life, writing poetry and ponderings, and having a good laugh. DIY, baking, and cycling are fun, too. If you visited me, I'd invite you in for a cup of coffee and a little chat. I am a Literacy Coach, Reading Specialist, and former classroom and Reading Recovery teacher at an elementary school. Getting up in the morning is not hard; I still love making a difference in the lives of children and teachers.

8 responses »

  1. You can do it! And while I (blessedly) have never had this experience, it sounds horrifying and awful. I’m so sorry you have to live with this baggage. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good luck! It is so difficult to change eating habits. I love the mind set that it’s only for 30 days, right? It will be a journey of discovery, so many foods contain something artificial.


  3. I can relate to so much in this post. The critical inner voice. The constant struggle. I like how you are searching for something that will fit you and your life. Thank you for sharing…from someone who understands!


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